failedhandjob | ic contact;;

[Too much time had passed since he'd last spoken to Emily. Or was it Reimi now? Fubuki felt guilty about not having contacted her, especially when Awakening had been so awful and there had been reports of others' hearts folding.

He didn't want to believe that she might be one of them, the girl from the coffee shop, who'd started that Mad Libs game with him and helped him think of a way around their information block. They'd been a good team and the idea of losing that...well, for a while it had paralyzed him. He'd put off reaching out. Felt guilty about doing so, but then put it off longer.

Until now. It had taken him a little while to decide whether to call or to text, but ultimately he decides that he wants to hear her voice, to know for certain the person he's speaking to is real and well and not some trick of the shadows playing across his electronics. After all, it wasn't like they couldn't mimic her voice, right?

When the phone rang and someone on the other end picked up, he immediately shoved that thought from the forefront of his mind and started talking...]

This is...

[And then he stopped. Stalled on his own name. Should he introduce himself as Shirou Fubuki or Kouyuki Jin?

There was a flutter in his stomach that rose into his chest, as uncomfortable as it was distracting. Would she have expectations of him to live up to, too? No...he couldn't think that way right now. He couldn't afford to.]

...I'm looking for Sugimoto-san. Is this the right number?

[in all fairness, Reimi was just as responsible for the long silence as Fubuki was.

awakening had been a horrific experience, but it wasn't as if her existence hadn't been riddled with those already. the pain was nothing compared to what she'd faced at the hands of Kira; she'd learned long ago to shrug off such suffering and face it with nothing but disdain. that was all it deserved.

but coming back to her real self had triggered a habit in her that was no longer feasible given her current situation. she was so used to being chained to a single place that her first instinct was to wait for people to come to her rather than seek them out. no matter how worried she was, she couldn't move. that had always been the rule for as long as she could remember. it took far more days than she'd care to admit for her to realize the scope of her freedom in this city.

even so...loathe though she was to admit it, there was an aspect of awakening that continued to haunt her even now. not mental - or, not entirely.

dying once had been traumatic enough. now, in this world, this place, she found herself reliving that moment every day as soon as the sun slipped from the horizon. scars literally reopening each night, her heart flatlining over and over and over...

she'd nearly taken an entire week off of school, the fear of this inevitable event was so raw within her.

even now, Reimi would never hazard to say that she'd gotten over it. each sunset is just as terrified as the last, but the pain no longer pricks at her the same way. as always, she could become used to anything if it meant being able to continue working towards her goals. even a lifetime of death.

although she didn't need the additional help, it's done wonders for allowing her to appreciate those glorious hours when she can truly experience life again. it's why her voice is warm with good humor as she answers the phone, no trace of the darkness in her mind rising to the surface.]

Hm? That's my number, yes.

[it's a relief to be faced with someone so formal. while her name may have changed, her surname was the same no matter whose life she was living. it made things easier to respond to more naturally.

but who was this? the voice was familiar, but it had been so long since she'd seen so many people that it was difficult to place immediately. she's on the verge of simply asking outright when suddenly it all clicks and a soft laugh escapes her lips instead.

oh, she was glad for this call. she'd been so concerned for him.]

Have you been keeping yourself busy, Wolfmoon?

[Of course, Fubuki had no way of knowing just how terrible Reimi's experience with Awakening had been. He could only assume that, as with everyone else, the act of tearing out one's own heart had been traumatic and that the fight for survival that had followed had been visceral. Even he had been pushed to his limits, the gentleness he was known for sharpened to a fine edge. What might someone like Emily have been like stripped down and transformed into a raw version of herself?

He worried about that until he heard her voice. Until he could be certain she remembered. And then he was consumed by relief, and unrelenting torrent of emotion that brought a beaming smile to his face. It was unfortunate that she couldn't see him, but the happiness reached his voice just the same, making it quite apparent that he'd feared for the worst.

What a shameful thing, that...but he wasn't about to apologize for it. There was nothing Fubuki feared more than people leaving him. So perhaps that made it all the better that, for now, he didn't know about Reimi's nightly horror.]

Mm...I have. Maybe a little too busy. I should have called sooner.

That makes two of us. I guess this is what happens when things get so hectic right before a new semester.

[it's a weak joke without much imagination or power, but Reimi can't bear to shatter the joy she hears in her friend's voice so quickly. just for a moment, she wants to preserve the pleasure of simply enjoying time with someone you care for.

she has no intention of divulging her own troubles, of course, but even with that omission she knows the tone will inevitably shift. Fubuki clearly sounds physically well, but she wants to make certain that the same could be said for his mind - and that he's been keeping safe in general. even if that is a little hypocritical given her own intentions and his clear fear for her life before this call.

she giggles, allowing the time to stretch out just a bit more, before deciding to dive right in. maybe if she started with something that could still be cheerful it wouldn't be so bad. that hope is enough to keep her voice sincerely bright as she pipes up again.]

So! Which of us should go first?

[Fubuki was reluctant to confess all that had been weighing on his mind. His struggle to fill whatever role was needed most, all while trying not to lose himself... He wished he could say he'd been successful so far, but the emergence of Atsuya's voice proved otherwise. It was always easiest when he was backed into a corner to rely on his brother's strength, and it was his habit now, too. There was some relief in knowing Kidou didn't need an offensive player as much as someone who excelled at defense, but even that bond came with complications. The two of them hadn't been real brothers back home and here, Fubuki was never sure how to behave around him anymore and if calling him brother or not doing so was betraying Atsuya or Kidou more. Worse still, everyone who couldn't be counted among the Awakened all expected him to be Kouyuki...

He felt...like he was being pulled apart. The only time he found any relief at all was while he was running, but even that had begun to trouble him. He missed soccer. The excitement he got from controlling the ball and feeling the wind wrap around him as he flew across the pitch or protected the goal. Kouyuki didn't play soccer, however.

He touched the sunglasses hanging from the collar of his shirt before speaking up finally...]

I can. I haven't been thinking about classes much. I've been practicing for track a lot, instead. If I'm fast, that'll help a lot, right?

[He meant, of course, with the shadows. Because apparently some things hadn't changed post Awakening. If he was fast enough, he wouldn't need to worry about being hit. And if he was fast enough, he could be there to protect the people who needed it. Unlike what had happened when he and Kidou were separated.

He wouldn't let himself make the same mistake again.]

Mm, probably! I think anything that we work on improving is going to help out in some way. But I wasn't talking about that kind of thing just yet.

[it was endearing that he'd jumped right to something like that, and another giggle escapes before she can contain it. just was ready to dive into the deep end as he'd been the last time they'd talked; she was glad that some things had managed to stay the same.

but not everything. that was why she felt obligated to do this, so that she could be as upfront with Fubuki as possible. he deserved that - both because of what she was going to ask him to divulge over the course of this conversation and because he was her friend.]

I don't know who you've decided you are, but I'm not the same girl you met before. It'd be really rude to keep talking before we introduced ourselves.

[even if Fubuki gave her the same name as last time, she didn't mind. the point was that it would be whoever he was and Reimi, not Emily. Japanese courtesy dictated that this should be done with all rapidity...and so did her heart.]

I want us to know each other properly.

['properly'. it sounds like such a silly choice in wording, but she couldn't think of anything equally succinct to convey her desires here. what she wanted was for them to both know the true person on the other side, no matter how long it took.]

Oh. Right.

[He knew that. He...supposed they would get there eventually, but courtesy or otherwise, he wasn't in any hurry. They'd reached that hurdle now, however. All he could do was jump over it and try his best not to fall flat on his face.]

Fubuki Shirou. It's very nice to meet you.

[Speaking his own name was easy enough if he didn't think too hard on whether or not it was the truth anymore. Some part of him was and always would still be Shirou, after all. And besides, it seemed the correct answer to give with Reimi prompting him in that manner. I'm not the same girl you met before.

A prompt he had to tell himself not to think too deeply on, not that it worked.

...in the same manner that he'd lost Gabe, it seemed he'd also lost Emily. It hurt. She was still in there in the same way that Kouyuki was, that was how she had remembered him, but those memories were second-hand at best. Belonging to someone else. And all the experiences they'd shared as those people were now experiences belonging to strangers. He didn't like feeling as though he had to start all over. But he nevertheless managed to sound unperturbed.

He'd had some practice, after all.]

[it's more than who she was now. Reimi was hoping to slowly prime the people who mattered most to her (and could know) for the revelation that what she was had changed as well. Fubuki doesn't know it know, but he's lost her in more ways than one.

few things truly frighten her anymore, but the prospect of having to tell anyone this is more than daunting. it had been different in Morioh, where everyone had known from the beginning and she'd forgotten many of the little things which came with living. but here...both she and her friends weren't prepared for this. she honestly doesn't know if she ever would be.

for now, she can give all of herself to Fubuki that's safe. Reimi focuses on that instead of her misgivings. it was unlikely that she was the only one suffering through an identity crisis of sorts, after all.

there's the sound of motion and rustling fabric on her end; she doesn't know if he'll be able to discern it without a visual cue, but it's Reimi bowing respectfully. it's at once a welcome to Fubuki and a farewell to Kouyuki. whether he felt it or not, he'd been changed as well. he wasn't the only one taking a loss today.]

It's great to meet you, Shirou-kun! I hope that we'll get along well. My name is Reimi Sugimoto.

[it's the first time that she's introduced herself with her real name, and the feeling is strangely liberating. it really does feel as if she's reaching out with her own hands this time, grasping at something she knows she's going to cherish.

was it the same for Fubuki? she has no way of knowing right now. she's willing to accept whatever name her gives her at the moment, but that doesn't mean she won't be making certain that's truly what he feels is best somewhere down the road. she had too much experience with people who couldn't say what they meant for that.]

[More than anything, Fubuki wished to feel the same sense of liberation, but he wasn't so fortunate. So long as he wasn't thinking too hard about any of it, though...well, that was part of why running and free-falling during high jump both appealed to him. He could outrun almost anything, even the dark cloud of his thoughts, and while airborne and soaring over the high jump bar he felt completely untouchable.

It was a feeling he missed at that very moment, that left him fidgeting on his end of the line with whatever was in reach on his desk. A notebook. A pen. A little stuffed sheep that Genda had made for everyone playing the game Kouyuki and Emily had created.

Yet, when she had completed her introduction, he practically sang his affirmation, still sounding unfazed. At least, apart from the restlessness he was clearly exhibiting.]

I know we will, Sugimoto-san.

[Perhaps it wasn't polite to be so presumptuous, but he was confident at least in their ability to get along. If everything else changed, that had to have remained the same. And if he had to start over, he had to at least believe that the thing he was hoping to achieve was a realistic goal.

As for not using her given name, well...she was his senior. But, more importantly, by using that shared surname he didn't quite have to bring himself to say goodbye to Emily, not entirely.]

Me too.

[her words are sincere as she straightens back up, but Reimi can already tell that there was going to be a lot of obfuscation for her to wade through still. his fidgeting doesn't go unnoticed - nor does the way he chooses to address her.

no, she clearly wasn't the only one still struggling with awakening. that knowledge isn't reassuring in the least.]

So how have you been?

[now that they've gotten one of the more difficult parts out of the way, she can ask this with its full meaning. she was hoping she wouldn't have to, but Reimi is now braced to scrutinize all of his answers for their hidden meanings. if he wouldn't be truthful, she'd just have to dig it out herself.]

[The age old question, and one Fubuki had perfected answering long ago. He delivered those practiced words with the same perfection he'd always given to his soccer plays...]

I'm fine.

[...but none of the same sincerity.

He was honest on the pitch, if occasionally a little overzealous. It was next to impossible to hide your feelings from your teammates when, with every powerful pass or shoot, the other players could sense the vibrations of your heart and soul. In theory, at least.

Sometimes...Fubuki wondered if he operated on a completely different wavelength or if people were just too focused on what they needed from him to pay attention to what he needed himself. But it was fine. Really, it was. So long as he was useful, he could achieve perfection. And if he was useful, people wouldn't go away...]

Have you been doing okay? You mentioned things were hectic.

[He really hoped she was. That, whatever Awakening meant for her, she didn't feel as alone as he often did. Someone as kind as her didn't deserve that. Her silly quips would be wasted on empty spaces and silence.]

[fine. the same fine that Rohan had been when she'd left, she suspects. but she doesn't call out the obvious falsehood just yet, opting for something a little more gradual. she wanted to make sure he knew that she was managing well along with ascertaining what was troubling him, after all. brushing aside questions would just be rude.]

Yeah, I'm alright. It's still a little hard to focus on things, but I'd be surprised if it wasn't.

[who could focus during nearly two weeks without sleep, after all? her transition into the world of the dead hadn't been nearly so bumpy, even with all of the anger and regrets it had carried with it. she'd have been worried about herself if it had taken less time to learn to cope.]

I think everyone's kind of feeling that way, though.

[like you, shitbag.]

[...oh, that was mean.

Fubuki was young, but he was smart. He knew a ruse when he saw one, and she was intending for him to react a certain way. He could either admit she was right, because they both knew that truth was irrefutable, or he could lie and say he hadn't been having any difficulty at all.

Well, whatever. He'd handle this the same way he'd handle a challenge on the field: head on.]

Hmm...I don't know about that. I've been focusing just fine on the things that matter.

[And then a touch more softly, because Fubuki has always been a little more gentle when speaking with girls than boys, not to mention ever eager to talk about other peoples' problems instead of his own...]

What things are hard for you to focus on?

[it wouldn't have to be a ruse if you weren't so emotionally stunted that she had to paper everything in harmless, calm-colored packaging in order to lull you into a false sense of security like some kind of bird with prey with fucking anxiety.

...is what Reimi would be thinking if she were a little harsher and also a mindreader. as it is she takes her victory with the same patience as always. there was plenty of time to keep trying.]

Ah, you're lucky! I've barely been getting any sleep lately.

[it's alright to admit to that much. sleeplessness could have a wide number of causes, even when taking awakening into account. there was no need to assume the worst.

(see, Fubuki? this is how you can avoid topics while still being honest.)]

It's made paying attention in class pretty hard, not to mention work...but I'm sure it won't last long.

[Ew, that sounds like work. That's not fun at all. Fubuki refuses.

Also, it isn't his fault that he has problems! Blame the mountain. That was literally the root of it all.

Except he doesn't really have problems at all, he's fine. Better than fine, even. He hasn't been losing sleep or anything like that. Can't lose sleep and...oh, who is he kidding? He doesn't get near as much rest as he should, especially for keeping up his physical activities. But it's because he throws so much time into those that he doesn't sleep in the first place. Because his head is clearer out there, and all the weight on his shoulders seems infinitely lighter.

...and sleeping means memories, besides. Things he doesn't really want to recall, not if he can help it.]

Well, lectures are a snoozefest, anyway...so if you really find them hard to pay attention to, maybe you should grab some extra sleep in class?

[Because that's a solid idea. Way to raise your academics, Shirou. You'll totally level up your social links that way.]

No way! I might miss something important.

[although she's laughing even as she says it. the things that Reimi fears missing out on have very little to do with the classes themselves; it's the little moments of being alive, of freely moving with other people around you. she has no idea how long she'll be allowed to retain those gifts during the daylight. to squander them because of her own fear would be unforgivable.

but, more importantly...]

Permanent marker takes forever to wash off your face.

[because if that was her first reaction to a sleeping classmate it must be everyone else's, right?]

It's not really my style, but you're right, it does take a long time to wash off.

[Fubuki only knew from second-hand experience, of course. Kogure, a newly recruited member for Raimon, had a habit of drawing on peoples' faces with black permanent marker when they were sleeping, although his mischief didn't stop there. Virtually anything left unguarded, from faces to property, was fair game.]

You could probably avoid that with a lookout, though.

[He was a ball hog at times, but his teamwork wasn't completely lacking. Having been a captain of his own team before joining Raimon, he had to have at least some talent in that area.]

Probably, but there's nobody around I could trust with something like that...

[she sighs with facetious drama, as if the entire world was going to come to an end because she couldn't protect herself from pranks while slacking off in class. who could live with such an empty existence? surely not her.

and no one there to save her, thanks to the fact that she'd trust Fubuki to do it about as far as she could throw him even if he was in the proper cycle. truly this was the greatest tragedy any universe had ever known.]

[It was probably wise not to trust Fubuki to save her from something so trivial as that. He could be protective to a fault, it was true, but that was only when the threat was real. Harmless pranks weren't something he cared to intercede...unless, of course, he could use the opportunity to play his own trick on someone.

It was fair game if they let down their guard, right? He and Kogure could agree on that. Although the other boy would probably be less inclined to support that belief as soon as he realized Fubuki was just as willing to make him the butt of his jokes.

Still, he was easily moved by the "plight" of someone not having a good time. He was a simple snow wolf in that way.]

Hm...what about skipping class altogether?

[Kidou would be so disappointed in him even suggesting such a thing, but sometimes one just needed to stretch their legs and breathe in the fresh air. Such a thing couldn't be done when chained to a desk inside a stuffy and overcrowded classroom.

Come to think of it...why hadn't he already thought of that? He could squeeze in more time on the track that way. And so long as it wasn't too often and his grades didn't decline too far, his club access wouldn't be revoked.]

You could borrow someone's notes to catch up. And there's more to see outside, anyway.

[one might expect someone as apparently law-abiding as Reimi to instantly veto such a suggestion, but instead she makes a thoughtful sound in the back of her throat. it seems like she's genuinely considering it.

once again it seemed as if her world contained more important things than academic advancement, whatever her feelings on the matter may be. if she wasn't able to 'blend' properly because of her struggles to completely adapt...it was worth thinking about.]

It's hard to say. There's a lot in the city I'd like to see, but I've missed an awful lot of school already.

[not in this world, but she can't help referring to her previous life as if it were now. with the memories of her afterlife returned, she'd never be able to shale those fifteen years off. all that time in the same alleyway...it was difficult to say what she wanted to reexperience first.]

[Fubuki didn't quite catch the meaning behind Reimi's statement and instead interpreted her words as referring to the current state of her attendance at Green Valley. He could neither confirm or deny it, the both of them being in different cycles and not often running into one another even when they weren't on break.]

Hmm...that's a tough position to be in.

[Wanting to do one thing, needing to do another. What was the right choice? He thought about it, but the answer seemed obvious to him. If no one's life hinged on being in school and he'd rather be doing something else, then the only thing to do was to go and have fun. Right?]

I think I'll stick with my previous vote, though. And if you want someone to go with you, I volunteer. Since it was my idea.

[Neither of them would be alone or lonely that way. It was a great plan.]

[that was the magic of words...you could be honest and still conceal your true meaning all at once. it's what Reimi had hoped would happen with a statement like that, and she feels a small rush of contentment at being proven correct.]

Can your grades handle something like that? It's going to be a pretty packed day, you know!

[she's teasing him, but the idea of spending a day out with Fubuki sounds truly wonderful. not only would it take her mind off her own problems, but she'd be able to spend time with him. that was something that had been severely lacking lately - and was more necessary than ever, given their transformations.]

[Fubuki didn't even hesitate.]

Mm. They'll be fine.

[His grades would survive a little truancy on his part, and if they fell a little, he knew he could count on Kidou to help bring him back up to speed. It was probably a little rude of him to presume so without asking, or to put that pressure on his...younger brother. But he'd always been there for him in that manner as Michi, and besides. They were teammates. If they couldn't rely on one another, they would never be able to band together when the going got tough.

More importantly, they needed this. If they couldn't separate themselves from who they were forced to be during the day and who they were required to be at night, if they couldn't just be sometimes and relax, they would fall apart at the seams. Fubuki didn't want that. Even if their packed day turned out to be cut short, he wanted it to an endless ride of fun from start to finish. Nothing else would be acceptable.]

You sound like you already have an idea what you want to do.

Well...there are a lot of things that I've been wanting to do for a long time.

[for a moment her voice slips into something softer and almost nostalgic. all those years that she'd been trapped in the alley, Reimi had never thought to consider what exactly she was missing out on. why should she? when she finished her task in the world of the living, she'd have to move on. there was no place for a ghost without a purpose.

here, though, it was as if the floodgates had been thrown open. all the things she'd never done, all the moments that had passed her by, they were suddenly within her grasp. it was nearly overwhelming.]

But it's always better to do that with a friend, you know?

Yeah, I think so, too. It's always more fun to do things with other people.

[Many of the things he liked to do before he couldn't do here, however. Not during summer. But that didn't mean he and Reimi couldn't find other ways to entertain themselves. The island of Eddan was enormous and there was no shortage of places to go and things to see. They could visit the Leviathan Habitat or any number of the parks, enjoy a ferry ride between the main island and Orust, or even visit the Meditation of Wildness in Pointe-a-Tarte to see the cute statue there. Or they could just go to the beach and go swimming. That was also good. Fubuki had no shortage of ideas for how to spend a free day.]

But if it's been a long time, why wait for a school day? Having a good time shouldn't be postponed.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject